Saturday, December 6, 2014

Wait, you have kids?

After my date with Mr. Laugh-A-Lot aka, the Hyena, I started wondering why I am consistently gambling my time away on these internet dates when I never come out the winner? Majority of the time I am sitting across from an internet man that without a virtual profile I would have never gone out with. So why am I doing it if the odds are so stacked against me?
Those were my exact thoughts at the time so that's when I did it, I did something even more surprising than my November challenge...I broke the cardinal rule of keeping the past in the past.
Let me explain.

Many. MANY, months ago I was at a Whitecaps game with some girlfriends. Beer was flowing, cheers were being sung and while I wasn't doing much game watching I was still having a great time. Half time comes around and while the players are eating orange slices (Those are not just for kids soccer, right?) I was heading for drink refills. That's when I came across Mr. Englishman. He was shouting to a friend across the crowd and so therefore I did the most Canadian welcome by mocking his accent and shouting "EHLLOO."

You need to know a few things: At this point in time I had been enjoying many drinks and my fake accents are probably the worst accents of all time.

Well it got a smile and wave from him but then we were lost in the crowd. So by happenstance during the second half of the game my friend spots him. Sitting in the front row, with an empty seat beside him. Fortunately for my chicken self, one of my girlfriends is not and she headed down there to go sit with him and do the ever so causal, 'my friends interested in you.' Low and behold it actually worked and after the game we exchanged numbers and started a week of texting back and forth.

It was fun, it was kismet, and then it got down right weird when I found out the deal breaker...he had kids. Now, I have told this story numerous times to girlfriends and they all have different responses when I told them he had kids. While I do agree that in many situations and for many people it works, but for me, that is just one of my deal breakers at this point in my life. So we parted texting ways.

Fast forward to night after Mr. Laugh-A-Lot date and I found myself sending Mr. Englishman a text. Oh geez.
I have really mixed feelings about why I did it. We haven't gone out yet, and I am not sure that we ever will. As the dust has now settled from my hyena date and I have found myself back on my feet, I am not sure that I even want to. The kids were a deal breaker for me six months ago and nothing has changed on that front so why would I even be considering a date with him? Maybe because for once it wouldn't be a gamble and I would be going into it knowing that it would be going no where? Or maybe November has left some bad residue on my December self?
To date, or not to date?

Saturday, November 29, 2014

The Calendar

Well, as November is starting to come to an end so is my dating challenge. Here are some of the highlights from this 'entertaining' month.
I got stood-up, broke a debit machine, had many MANY glasses of beer, paid for some of those glasses of beer and heard an unforgettable hyena laugh.
My back to back dates had me feeling like I was on the next Bachelorette but without the helicopter rides or Chris Harrison to arrange dates for me and keep my men in line.  I wish I could have ended this month with a grand conclusion about love and dating but to be honest, I've come up short. I have met a lot of different men this month and while majority of them have all been good, fine dates...I feel like I am no closer to finding what I am looking for: my own Harry. What I have discovered is that dating is an adventure and I am not ready to throw in the towel quite yet. After all, December does happen to be my favourite month of the year, I may just have a Christmas themed date lined up....
Stay tuned for December!

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The last laugh

I love fairy tales. They all start with 'once upon a time' and a girl can get wrapped up in that line. That's the most dangerous part..when we start thinking that the beginning is somehow a recipe for the ending. Well that's how my latest one went. My ego was bruised after my latest standup that I met this next guy online and I thought, this is it. This is my happily ever after.

Unfortunately I was wrong, yet again. The online messages were good, I even happened to message this one myself, without the help of my secretary (thanks again, roommate), so how did this perfect kismet match-up end with me sitting across the table from the most horrendous laugh I have ever heard? Yes, that's right. It was the kind of laugh where I would say the most causal line and out of left field it was like a hyena joined our midst and caused all the heads in the restaurant to turn our way. Was I mortified? Yes. Did he order dinner? Yes. Was it dry ribs? Even better.

I wonder, have you ever chosen to skip the meal while your partner chose the dry ribs on the menu? I don't know if you have, but I can tell you right now that it probably the most unattractive experience. Before I start to get carried away, you should know that wings are my weakness. But will I ever order wings on a first date? No, no I won't. And furthermore, will I ever order wings when my dinner partner is ordering a liquid diet? No, I would never put someone through my finger-lickin' habits on a first date.

So now here I am. At the end of November wondering what even happened this month? It was filled with either standup's or mediocre dates. What will come of December? Part of me thinks December should be my date 'myself' month or date only 'real-life' people and put a pause on virtual people. But what  do you think? What should my December challenge be?

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Your 'About me' section is literally, about me.

New lesson from online dating: People can be creepy...very, very creepy.

The other day I was surfing the online dating websites, looking for Mr. Next in November when I noticed that a cute guy had checked out my profile. So being the persuer that I am, I decided to click on his profile and take a gander at who this handsome guy was. And that's when I saw it. The guy had taken my complete profile description and written it on his "About Me" section. You know those times when you literally feel tingles go up your spine. Well this was one of those experiences. It is a very odd feeling to read your exact words on someone else's description.
So of course I took a screen shot of it. And while I realize I am now exposing to all of you my super dorky write up about myself, it was just too creepy of an experience not to share.
(The only word that he changed was "Saskatoon", I had "Vancouver"...obviously)

So I sent him a message that said "why did you copy my profile?" and next thing I know is I have gotten no response and he has now blocked me. Like I am the one that needs to be blocked!?

In the end I am left with two conclusions about this whole experience. One part of me is trying to take this as a compliment and maybe he really liked my profile and couldn't think of his own "about me" section. And another part of me is wondering why my "about me" section can also be used by a man...clearly I need to add some more feminine touches to my write up.

Friday, November 21, 2014

1 date, 2 date...3 date?

I have reached the state...the state of indecisiveness.

I told you about my first date with Mr. Artist, it all went smoothly, he was nice and said all the right things. So then last week the art gallery plans fell through and we decided to get a drink instead. Again, the date was good, nothing alarmingly wrong or off putting...and so, why am I doubting?

Originally I thought that this month of crazy dating would bring me clarity but instead it is just leaving me very confused. I have started dating people I wouldn't normally date and now I am having trouble deciding. I feel like I have lost the voice that is normally so clear and decisive. I enjoy my time with Mr. Artist, we have lots to talk about, and yet it feels so 'friend zone.' I can't quite put my finger on it but when I see him I don't get the flutters or the tingles. Something I always made a deciding factor if I would continue to date someone in the past. Has this month backfired and I am suddenly now numb to dating? Or is it because he really isn't the right one for me?

Well the month is not over yet and I am determined to find out, so stay tuned for our date number 3 of the art gallery.

Before then, I leave you with something I watched many months ago but is ever so true for me now and gives me the kick in the pants that I am needing.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Good thing there are always 'to-go' cups

Where to begin with this post...

I know I am usually lighthearted and try to see the good in all experiences but last night literally left me with the feeling: being single sucks sometimes.

I rushed home from work, showered, made myself presentable, only to be left sitting by myself in a local coffee shop. I have to tell you, that is probably the worst feeling that a single person can experience. I have been cancelled on, I have gone to the millionth wedding alone, but nothing makes someone feel more alone and forgotten than sitting by themselves waiting for someone to show up who inevitably never does. Luckily the barista misheard me when I ordered my coffee and actually put it in a to-go cup rather than the mug that would have made this an even more tortuous experience...sitting and drinking until it was finished. But still, I waited the grace period of 20 minutes and then headed on my way.

As I was walking home I immediately thought about what I could have done differently...maybe I should have texted him an hour or so before to 'double check' that we were still on. But then I realized that even if he hadn't have responded back to me at that point I would have still gone. I would have still put on an outfit, dragged myself out the door and shown up, because I know (and especially now) that it is so incredibly unkind to leave someone sitting alone and waiting.

So to the guy who was suppose to meet me last night, I know that you later contacted me with the "so sorry but I forgot" text (Did I mention that the date was planned and confirmed the day before? Really, you forgot??) but let me just leave you with this: I waited for you and you never came. I think of myself as a catch and you made me doubt that. I walked all the way home thinking that for some reason I was worth missing out on.
For your sake I hope dating karma doesn't get you, because what you did to me really did suck. And in a way for that I thank you, because if you are the type of person who would do this to another, I am glad you didn't show up and put me through whatever turbulent relationship may have followed.
Thank you for leaving me in peace, to drink my coffee.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

40% is a lot...

Over the past two weeks of my dating bonanza I have learned a pretty shocking tidbit about dating in this day an age. People LOVE to cancel.

40% of the men I have set up dates with have canceled on the day of. To me, that is a surprisingly large number. Now some have told me their 'legitimate' reasons while others have simply said 'something's come up' but regardless of what they write, being the fact that we have never met, I immediately just take it as most likely BS. Also, if you caught the fact that I put 'write' instead of 'say' that is because the flaking ALWAYS comes in the form of text or message...never a phone call.

Ok, so maybe I am jumping to a lot of conclusions but going on this journey I am also discovering what manners are deal breakers for me. I don't care about the opening of my door, I don't care about walking me home, I don't care about answering my texts or calls right away. But what I do care about is when you plan something with me and I arrange my other social commitments around it, cancelling is a deal breaker.

So far in my entire online dating history I have never cancelled on someone. I might have discovered that I double booked something so then days before I ask them to switch the day, but never on the day of do I ever write "sorry, something's come up and I can't make it to meet you today."

I wonder, out of the 40% that have cancelled on me, would they have still cancelled on me if our original meeting was 'in-person' rather than messages exchanged online? Does meeting people online allow others to not view you as a real person but rather an avatar? I feel like technology is really messing dating and socializing up. It is allowing people to forget that manners and feelings still exist. If you don't respond to me after we arranged somewhere to be, my natural instinct SHOULD be that you are dead, but instead its, 'I guess he met somebody else'...or would rather play video games...

To the guy on Wednesday night: I hope you are in fact not dead but instead, cozy somewhere, playing video games. Keeping your world virtual, eh?

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Goodbye amusement park guys

Typical date for pre-November girl: Meet a guy who comes across as cocky. Play the cat and mouse game of number exchange...interested but not appearing TOO interested. Go on the date and impress each other with what cool people we are. And then either never hear from him again or date for a few months realizing that all we ever had was a love of the confidence in the other person.

Its hard when you get into a pattern. I feel like when I was going on dates I was always looking for something particular or for them to make me feel a particular way. But recently after starting this extreme dating November I have come to wonder...should I write a guy off if I dont feel that crazy spark right away? Is it possible to grow into a spark?

Men in my past have all repeated the same story. I go on a first date with them, we talk for hours about anything and everything, totally infactuated and then we begin a rollercoaster relationship what never lets you off nicely like the rides at, these ones always crash and burn. So why do I always keep going to these 'amusement park' type guys?

To break the cycle I decided to go on a date with Mr. Artist. This one was found with the help of my secretary (roommate). While scouring the internet for me she came across this guy and shot him a message. He's someone that prior to the message I had probably continually passed over because something about him didn't just grab me. Well, thank goodness my roommate gives a variety of men chances and I ended up going on a date with him. And you know what, it actually turned out to be a way better date than I was expecting. He didn't create that initial spark for me but what he did do was introduce me to a type of guy who is incredibly kind and sincere. Something I so often pass right by. So it surprised me that while on the date he asked if I would like to go on a second date to the art gallery with him and I found myself saying yes. Maybe dating him will work out, or maybe it won't, but what I do know is that I have to give my old type a rest and try something new.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Hey, wait up!

Last week I joined a running club. Now, I joined for many of the obvious reasons, like getting better at running, it gives me a reason to get my butt out the door on a rainy vancouver night, but also for the fact that maybe, just maybe, there will be single men there too. Because to be honest, I have no idea where SINGLE men are these days. I put the exaggeration on "single" because I know where all the married, taken, unavailable men are. I meet those all the time. Those ones are at my work, friend's parties, the only people that seem to talk to me at coffee shops (I am still waiting for that confident single guy to strike up a conversation). I think back to university days and how much easier it was to meet people, heck they even had pub nights that were practically designed to meet your future or just for the moment dream guy. Fortunately I am no longer in university, but I begin to wonder, did I miss the mark? Did I miss the window of opportunity in life where you are suppose to meet 'the one' and lock that shit down?

Well I didn't meet 'the one' (clearly).  So now that brings me to run club. I drag a friend along and am secretly hoping that maybe I hit the jackpot and there will be a few athletic men ready to strike up a conversation. I was wrong. So very wrong. Instead what I got was a room full of middle aged women who as soon as the run begins either takes off in a sprint or starts walking. So there leaves my friend and I running along the seawall by ourselves. While I am sure my friend could have run and caught up with the bionic speedy women, running is still something I am trying to convince myself to like hence why my pace resembles that of a snail's. So when I get back to the meeting point I am expecting the leader to comment on the fact that she literally left her newest members in the dust or at least ask how the run went, but nope...nothing. So based on the fact that there were NO single men there and just a bunch of energizer bunny women who would rather talk about their 15 year old children than talk to a single-no children-young woman (that's me by the way). My friend and I decide to ditch the Running Room and just run by ourselves every Wednesday from now on.

So men, if you are out there, please come out of hiding on Wednesday nights and keep an eye out for a girl who is huffing and puffing her way around the seawall. Thank you, in advance.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Show me the money, honey

I should have known.
I knew it the second he started his emails off by complaining about expensive halloween costumes and expensive covers to bars on halloween--according to him, $15 was just TOO much to pay. But being that it is November and my mantra is to date men I wouldn't normally date, there I was last night, sitting across from Mr. Cheap.
I feel like this would have been the perfect date for me....7 years ago. He is attractive and nice, funny, works in a retail store but he doesn't have any aspirations for furthering his carreer. Back in my days of university I would have thought, no real job goals? Well maybe he just doesn't know what he wants to be and doesn't mind being broke for a while? But now jump to me in my late 20s/early 30s and I just can't do it. I am very passionate about my job that I wonder if I could be with someone who is not at all passionate about theirs.  So when the bill came around and he asked for them to be separate I immediately thought ok, this guy is definitely not into me. I finished my drink off, completely destroyed the bar's debit machine by dropping it on the floor (yes, I can be very embarrassing on dates) and hugged him goodbye as he got ready to bike the pouring rain might I add. Walking home I thought to myself, I live comfortably and happy with an average paying job (I mean, who wouldn't want to make more money, right?), so it's not that I NEED some rich man or someone to treat me. But when I want to do something or show someone I am interested I choose to spend my money in those circumstances. So I just couldn't help but wonder, if a guy doesn't buy a girl a drink on the first date does that mean he's not interested? And further, if he is interested, do I enter a relationship where someone is much more frugal than I, which would get in the way of us doing enjoyable activites? When dating, should everything be on 'separate bills'? 

So low and behold I did get a "want to go for dinner sometime?" text from Mr. Cheap today....I think one separate bill was enough, thank you very much.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Am I making the plan, again?

What I have quickly come to realize is, I need a secretary. Multiple dating sites, setting up times, exchanging phone numbers...It's become my second job. Luckily my roommate has basically become my 'recruiter' and scours the internet to find potential matches (don't worry, I pay her in cookies). This really is a more than one person job and while she helps in those early stages, there is still the whole aspect of setting the date up. The actual going on dates is the easy part. I can be shiny. I can be funny (I laugh at myself at least). But it's wading through all of the steps beforehand that's exhausting and repetitive. One of the things that I have found in the early stages of dating is that there are two types of guys:

Ones that will plan the night and ones that will ask you to.

My pre-november self would have decided right then and there that if the guy wasn't putting much effort in he therefore doesn't care, so why should I? As is probably pretty evident with my last statement I typically only date the confident, take charge guys. Clearly my 'type' has not worked out in the past, so maybe it's time to branch out. Why should the guy have to do all the work? On a blind date isn't the playing field even?

Over the past few weeks I have started to get in this new mindset, maybe I need to work a little harder? I started to doubt everything that provided me security beforehand, have I been too hard on all my previous guys? Have I set some sort of unattainable standard? And then tonight brought me right back to reality. I was out running with a friend and I explained to her about my latest annoyances of passive guys and she said to me "What?! Why would you go on a date with them if you are already doing all the work?" That is what I needed. A sane confident girl to snap me right back. Why am I working so hard?

Will I still ask men out? Absolutely
Will I plan the date if they ask? Absolutely
Will I drive to the end of the earth to meet them? No
Will I put in all the effort? No

Maybe this is a crazy standard, maybe its prissy or controlling or whatever other people would view it as. But for me, this is who I am and I can't change that. I may have dropped a lot of walls down this November but I have to stay true to myself and not lose my values along the way. Sure I will meet lots of men in November but come December there's only one person who is going to be there at the end of all this, and that's me. So I better like her.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Flaky, Flaky, Flaky

'Yes November' update:

Well, the words of Aziz Ansari couldn't be any truer, I have been trying to set up dates with men online but surprise surpirse I am dealing with some very flaky people. So while it has taken longer than I thought, my first one is set up for Thursday and then I have two more guys sitting in the wings, ready to follow. Hopefully this momentum continues.
Stay tuned for Thursday's adventure....

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Did you get the bill?

Meeting and paying.
Two of the most awkward moments on dates. Over the past few months I have gone on numerous blind/online/set-up dates and let me tell you, no matter how much easier I find them now, those continue to be the two moments when I feel my palms sweat.
When I first started this online dating saga I used to get so nervous before meeting the next mystery man. I think back to my first date and almost chuckle at how far I have come. Now I wouldn't call myself a pro (just wait till november) but I have gone on enough to know that I can confidently carry a conversation for a good length of the date if need be. Maybe its my charm, maybe its my hilarious jokes (im still single so clearly they can't be THAT funny), but there are rarely moments that I find myself at a complete standstill.
Except for this one time.

Meet Mr. Outdoorsy. I was SO excited to meet him (first mistake). We met online and then our schedules didn't work out so we continued to text for about a week. First lesson I learned from this date: texting chemistry and real life chemistry are VERY different. Here I was, all week, texting with Mr. Outdoorsy and laughing at all of the hilarious jokes he was making. Turns out that all of his jokes that I thought were 'sarcastic one-liners' turned out to be not jokes at all. When we met in real life I came to quickly realize that he actually means everything that he says. Normally I would just throw back a couple beers and call it a night but this was mistake number two. We went for dinner AND we only ordered water.

Another lesson: never go for dinner on a blind date and regardless of what my fellow dater is doing, if I want a drink, I should order one.

So our version of 'the last supper' continued and throughout it I was constantly being shocked by what he was saying. He had story after story about all of his outdoorsy adventures and how women just wouldn't be able to keep up. He talked about how women are nurturers and therefore should only have nurturing jobs...and basically, how women are much lower in society than men.
Now, I think all of my friends would agree that I am a very easy going person. I also don't like to get into arguments, especially on a blind date. So when I am having to say "I don't think of myself as a hardcore feminist, but I completely disagree with you" know this date is going very bad.

Cue to the end of the very long, sober dinner.

After drinking copious amounts of water (both to avoid talking to him and keep myself from marching out the door) I take a trip to the ladies room. When I come back I see the plates all cleared away and a black book with the bill inside is sitting in the middle of the table. I sit down and begin to talk when he completely cuts me off and says "I got the bill."
"wow, thank you" I say --completely surprised at this gesture from him.
 And that is when he says the clincher of the evening.

"oh, no, I didn't pay for it. I just got the waitress to bring it over"

Cue red face and embarrassment.

Looking back at that moment, maybe I jumped to conclusion, maybe its the 'woman' in me as I am sure he would say to assume that 'I got the bill' translates to 'I paid for the bill'... but all that I know is that I got one funny story and I laughed all the way home. 

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Houston, we have a problem.

In preparation for my upcoming 'yes' november, I decided that I should probably get a head start and begin signing myself up for every dating site I can think of. Subsequently,  I am now a proud member of Okcupid, Match, Plenty of Fish and Tinder. I have come to realize very quickly that dating via online is very much like having a second job. I am getting update after update of every wink, nudge, like, message that comes across my path...and let me just tell you, there is a lot of 'interesting' men to sift through.
So as I was starting to feel a bit discouraged I came across a guy that I thought looked half decent and with no apparent warning signs in his write up. Being the 'new november' dating girl that I have become, I decided to do something out of the ordinary and send him a message first. Well, low and behold I get a response and we begin to message back and forth. It was flirty, it was sweet, it was everything a girl could hope for except for when he dropped the line "I'm actually in Houston right now on a business trip till next Saturday." Very innocent. I decided to be the patient woman I am and thought, maybe this is it?! What a coincidence that he gets back into Vancouver the day my november challenge begins, what a way to kick off the month...fate right?!
Nope. Not fate.
It is then I receive the next message..."do you have skype?"
Now, there is something I need to clarify. As a girl who has been single for a good portion of life I have now learned that this line does not actually mean 'lets have a nice chat over skype and get to know eachother'. This is just the virtual equivalent of a dick pic, and quite frankly at this point in my life my eyes have been violated enough.
I could be wrong...maybe he is a very nice guy who is ACTUALLY in Houston, Texas. But I highly doubt that is the case. So when I respond with a "no I don't, how about we meet up when you get back?" and never heard from him again, I believe I know the answer to my question. That there is a very high probability that this is a man, sitting at home in some basement, thousands of miles away from Texas.
Regardless, every smart single girl's not ALL bigger in Texas.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Goodbye October, Hello November

Last night I was out with friends and we got talking about my blog. My friends decided, what if I turned the next month into a challenge?
Now, you should know that November is probably my least favourite month to be single. It's the time of the ever so popular 'Mo'vember. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge supporter and advocator for prostate cancer research, but in terms of dating, I don't usually gravitate to the men with mustaches. But what if for the month of November I completely flipped my dating rules upside down? What if November now became my 'yes' month?
Instead of cringing at the latest mustache wearing man who asks me out, what if I say yes instead? I have decided that in order to make the most of this month I need to fully commit to this task and now have joined up with all the popular dating sites (oh dear god) and enlisted the help of friends to get some 'dates' set up. Starting November 1st I will commit myself to going out on a limb and saying yes to dates from people I wouldn't normally say yes to.
What's going to come of this you ask?
Well, hopefully I come out with some great stories, new friends, a new found love of facial hair and a realization that maybe my 'must have' list needs to be revamped.

Now, the rules. As any of you who have gone online know, I simply cannot say 'yes' to every single man that contacts me on those sites (I may not come back from those dates alive) but I am going to force myself to message back people I wouldn't normally. I am determined that at least one of my dates in November will come from someone I meet in a non-drinking setting (grocery store, coffee shop, etc) and without losing my sanity or my job, blog about each date I go on.

So get ready November, here I come.

Friday, October 24, 2014

In the words of Aziz Ansari

The dating world:

"It's pretty much, a lot of times like you're a secretary for a really shoddy organization, scheduling the dumbest shit, with the flakiest people ever"--Aziz Ansari

Thursday, October 23, 2014

I want my bottle of wine back

Break-ups. They happen to the best of us. Hopefully most of us can come out of them unscathed but no matter what, each is unique in their own way.
Lets call my latest, Mr. Twitter.
Now Mr. Twitter very much suits his name. While most men put up walls and emotional baggage as a way to keep a woman at an arms length, I was always coming in second..behind twitter. Never having used twitter myself, I never quite got it. Why would someone want to chat online to a group of strangers and tell them about their day, when a real human being was a foot away from them? Yes, I do realize that I am currently writing a blog, so therefore aren't I doing the exact same thing? Well I like to think of myself as also socially adept and that someone will snap me out of it if I start writing a blog post before sharing that same story over a bottle of wine with my girlfriends.

Back to Mr. Twitter.

So here we are, I am at home getting ready for our next date and my phone lights up. A text. But not just any kind of text. A break-up text.
I don't know if you have ever gotten one of these but let me tell you, this is probably the most ridiculous way to end a relationship. After date 1,2 or 3, sure, a text is acceptable. After a few months of dating....are you kidding me? Well, that is exactly what I said. I called him up (surprise, he didn't pick up--not till a short while later I got the 'just got out of the shower, can you call again' text) and while most women leave clothes, cd's, jewelery at a man's house, I leave my most prized Normally I would have just let this slide and deemed it as collateral damage. But this time I thought what the heck, if this guy is so into romancing technology that he gets it to do his dirty work in his 'real life' relationships, I want my bottle of wine back.
So, 2 hours later on the rainiest night in Vancouver, I see Mr. Twitter one last time and guess what...he brought the wrong bottle of wine.

I guess I should have tweeted him.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

What's more intimate than a phone call?


The seemingly perfect tool for dating. It's quick, none threatening, immediate responses, causal. So many good qualities that I can't imagine a world without it, let alone a dating world without it. And yet, as I was debriefing my girl friends on the last guy that was giving me the run around, my friend came out with the most shocking sentence, "Why don't you just call him?"
Call him? I suddenly started to get nervous. I couldn't call him, we hadn't reached THAT point in our relationship yet.
Confused, my friend who has been in a relationship for the last 10 years, suddenly made a statement that I just can't seem to get out of my head. "You are comfortable enough to sleep with a guy, but you can't call him?"
I was stumped. Since when did a simple phone call become such a scary and bold move?
I remember back to my high school days where calling was the only way to get a hold of a friend/boy friend. It didn't seem so scary then, so why as a grown confident woman in my late 20s does that seem like the most terrifying dating act? How has talking on the phone become a milestone like meeting the parents or saying I love you? I wonder if I can break this cycle. All it really takes is one person to start, right? So this is my goal: the next man I date, I try calling him. Lets see how fast I scare off all of mankind ;)

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Didn't we have a date?

Boy meets girl. Boy asks girl on date. Boy drops off the face of the earth.

I don't think that is how the rhyme is suppose to go but for some reason it is on constant repeat in my dating life. Now, before you start thinking I am some wacko that must smell or have some man repellent quality, you must know that I consider myself quite normal. I have friends that can vouch, promise.

So in my single girl weekday nights as I start to drift off to sleep, I like to play a fun little game on my phone called Tinder. Yes, I know its a horribly shallow game, but it is the new 'hot or not', and well, way too addictive not to join in. As it turns out I happen to start chatting with a cute guy who shockingly doesn't come off too strong or ask me what I am wearing. Bonus right?! Or that is what I think, so reluctantly I give this guy my number and he continues to text me over the next few days. Within those days jokes ensue and then comes the ever so causal line...'we should get a drink this Saturday afternoon'. At this point it is ever so hard for me not to be jaded by past dating and getting my hopes up, but something feels a bit different so I happily accept.
Well days go by, I send a text, no reply and here I am...sitting in my living room on Saturday afternoon, wondering what happened? Why would you ask someone out if you have no intention of ever meeting them? --something I continue to ask myself every time this happens. What a waste of time. Fortunately, they have never met me so its hard to feel rejected when the person doesnt even know what your voice sounds like but it really does get a girl thinking. Are all of these dating apps and websites just a complete waste of time? Is it just a facade that men (and women) can hide behind who don't actually want to date but just get a confidence boost that someone actually said yes?

You always hear all of these stories about that friend of a friend who met their husband, fiance, boyfriend online....but at this point I call bullshit. Sure I have dated men off of these sites and it hasn't been a complete waste of time, but no matter how many of these dates/non dates I get, it still floors me every time.

And so, as I get ready to leave my computer seat and get out in the real world, drink date or not, it makes me I call this guy on his bullshit non-date...or act like I didn't even notice that this supposed 'Saturday drinks' never happened?