Saturday, November 29, 2014

The Calendar

Well, as November is starting to come to an end so is my dating challenge. Here are some of the highlights from this 'entertaining' month.
I got stood-up, broke a debit machine, had many MANY glasses of beer, paid for some of those glasses of beer and heard an unforgettable hyena laugh.
My back to back dates had me feeling like I was on the next Bachelorette but without the helicopter rides or Chris Harrison to arrange dates for me and keep my men in line.  I wish I could have ended this month with a grand conclusion about love and dating but to be honest, I've come up short. I have met a lot of different men this month and while majority of them have all been good, fine dates...I feel like I am no closer to finding what I am looking for: my own Harry. What I have discovered is that dating is an adventure and I am not ready to throw in the towel quite yet. After all, December does happen to be my favourite month of the year, I may just have a Christmas themed date lined up....
Stay tuned for December!

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The last laugh

I love fairy tales. They all start with 'once upon a time' and a girl can get wrapped up in that line. That's the most dangerous part..when we start thinking that the beginning is somehow a recipe for the ending. Well that's how my latest one went. My ego was bruised after my latest standup that I met this next guy online and I thought, this is it. This is my happily ever after.

Unfortunately I was wrong, yet again. The online messages were good, I even happened to message this one myself, without the help of my secretary (thanks again, roommate), so how did this perfect kismet match-up end with me sitting across the table from the most horrendous laugh I have ever heard? Yes, that's right. It was the kind of laugh where I would say the most causal line and out of left field it was like a hyena joined our midst and caused all the heads in the restaurant to turn our way. Was I mortified? Yes. Did he order dinner? Yes. Was it dry ribs? Even better.

I wonder, have you ever chosen to skip the meal while your partner chose the dry ribs on the menu? I don't know if you have, but I can tell you right now that it probably the most unattractive experience. Before I start to get carried away, you should know that wings are my weakness. But will I ever order wings on a first date? No, no I won't. And furthermore, will I ever order wings when my dinner partner is ordering a liquid diet? No, I would never put someone through my finger-lickin' habits on a first date.

So now here I am. At the end of November wondering what even happened this month? It was filled with either standup's or mediocre dates. What will come of December? Part of me thinks December should be my date 'myself' month or date only 'real-life' people and put a pause on virtual people. But what  do you think? What should my December challenge be?

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Your 'About me' section is literally, about me.

New lesson from online dating: People can be creepy...very, very creepy.

The other day I was surfing the online dating websites, looking for Mr. Next in November when I noticed that a cute guy had checked out my profile. So being the persuer that I am, I decided to click on his profile and take a gander at who this handsome guy was. And that's when I saw it. The guy had taken my complete profile description and written it on his "About Me" section. You know those times when you literally feel tingles go up your spine. Well this was one of those experiences. It is a very odd feeling to read your exact words on someone else's description.
So of course I took a screen shot of it. And while I realize I am now exposing to all of you my super dorky write up about myself, it was just too creepy of an experience not to share.
(The only word that he changed was "Saskatoon", I had "Vancouver"...obviously)

So I sent him a message that said "why did you copy my profile?" and next thing I know is I have gotten no response and he has now blocked me. Like I am the one that needs to be blocked!?

In the end I am left with two conclusions about this whole experience. One part of me is trying to take this as a compliment and maybe he really liked my profile and couldn't think of his own "about me" section. And another part of me is wondering why my "about me" section can also be used by a man...clearly I need to add some more feminine touches to my write up.

Friday, November 21, 2014

1 date, 2 date...3 date?

I have reached the state...the state of indecisiveness.

I told you about my first date with Mr. Artist, it all went smoothly, he was nice and said all the right things. So then last week the art gallery plans fell through and we decided to get a drink instead. Again, the date was good, nothing alarmingly wrong or off putting...and so, why am I doubting?

Originally I thought that this month of crazy dating would bring me clarity but instead it is just leaving me very confused. I have started dating people I wouldn't normally date and now I am having trouble deciding. I feel like I have lost the voice that is normally so clear and decisive. I enjoy my time with Mr. Artist, we have lots to talk about, and yet it feels so 'friend zone.' I can't quite put my finger on it but when I see him I don't get the flutters or the tingles. Something I always made a deciding factor if I would continue to date someone in the past. Has this month backfired and I am suddenly now numb to dating? Or is it because he really isn't the right one for me?

Well the month is not over yet and I am determined to find out, so stay tuned for our date number 3 of the art gallery.

Before then, I leave you with something I watched many months ago but is ever so true for me now and gives me the kick in the pants that I am needing.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Good thing there are always 'to-go' cups

Where to begin with this post...

I know I am usually lighthearted and try to see the good in all experiences but last night literally left me with the feeling: being single sucks sometimes.

I rushed home from work, showered, made myself presentable, only to be left sitting by myself in a local coffee shop. I have to tell you, that is probably the worst feeling that a single person can experience. I have been cancelled on, I have gone to the millionth wedding alone, but nothing makes someone feel more alone and forgotten than sitting by themselves waiting for someone to show up who inevitably never does. Luckily the barista misheard me when I ordered my coffee and actually put it in a to-go cup rather than the mug that would have made this an even more tortuous experience...sitting and drinking until it was finished. But still, I waited the grace period of 20 minutes and then headed on my way.

As I was walking home I immediately thought about what I could have done differently...maybe I should have texted him an hour or so before to 'double check' that we were still on. But then I realized that even if he hadn't have responded back to me at that point I would have still gone. I would have still put on an outfit, dragged myself out the door and shown up, because I know (and especially now) that it is so incredibly unkind to leave someone sitting alone and waiting.

So to the guy who was suppose to meet me last night, I know that you later contacted me with the "so sorry but I forgot" text (Did I mention that the date was planned and confirmed the day before? Really, you forgot??) but let me just leave you with this: I waited for you and you never came. I think of myself as a catch and you made me doubt that. I walked all the way home thinking that for some reason I was worth missing out on.
For your sake I hope dating karma doesn't get you, because what you did to me really did suck. And in a way for that I thank you, because if you are the type of person who would do this to another, I am glad you didn't show up and put me through whatever turbulent relationship may have followed.
Thank you for leaving me in peace, to drink my coffee.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

40% is a lot...

Over the past two weeks of my dating bonanza I have learned a pretty shocking tidbit about dating in this day an age. People LOVE to cancel.

40% of the men I have set up dates with have canceled on the day of. To me, that is a surprisingly large number. Now some have told me their 'legitimate' reasons while others have simply said 'something's come up' but regardless of what they write, being the fact that we have never met, I immediately just take it as most likely BS. Also, if you caught the fact that I put 'write' instead of 'say' that is because the flaking ALWAYS comes in the form of text or message...never a phone call.

Ok, so maybe I am jumping to a lot of conclusions but going on this journey I am also discovering what manners are deal breakers for me. I don't care about the opening of my door, I don't care about walking me home, I don't care about answering my texts or calls right away. But what I do care about is when you plan something with me and I arrange my other social commitments around it, cancelling is a deal breaker.

So far in my entire online dating history I have never cancelled on someone. I might have discovered that I double booked something so then days before I ask them to switch the day, but never on the day of do I ever write "sorry, something's come up and I can't make it to meet you today."

I wonder, out of the 40% that have cancelled on me, would they have still cancelled on me if our original meeting was 'in-person' rather than messages exchanged online? Does meeting people online allow others to not view you as a real person but rather an avatar? I feel like technology is really messing dating and socializing up. It is allowing people to forget that manners and feelings still exist. If you don't respond to me after we arranged somewhere to be, my natural instinct SHOULD be that you are dead, but instead its, 'I guess he met somebody else'...or would rather play video games...

To the guy on Wednesday night: I hope you are in fact not dead but instead, cozy somewhere, playing video games. Keeping your world virtual, eh?

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Goodbye amusement park guys

Typical date for pre-November girl: Meet a guy who comes across as cocky. Play the cat and mouse game of number exchange...interested but not appearing TOO interested. Go on the date and impress each other with what cool people we are. And then either never hear from him again or date for a few months realizing that all we ever had was a love of the confidence in the other person.

Its hard when you get into a pattern. I feel like when I was going on dates I was always looking for something particular or for them to make me feel a particular way. But recently after starting this extreme dating November I have come to wonder...should I write a guy off if I dont feel that crazy spark right away? Is it possible to grow into a spark?

Men in my past have all repeated the same story. I go on a first date with them, we talk for hours about anything and everything, totally infactuated and then we begin a rollercoaster relationship what never lets you off nicely like the rides at, these ones always crash and burn. So why do I always keep going to these 'amusement park' type guys?

To break the cycle I decided to go on a date with Mr. Artist. This one was found with the help of my secretary (roommate). While scouring the internet for me she came across this guy and shot him a message. He's someone that prior to the message I had probably continually passed over because something about him didn't just grab me. Well, thank goodness my roommate gives a variety of men chances and I ended up going on a date with him. And you know what, it actually turned out to be a way better date than I was expecting. He didn't create that initial spark for me but what he did do was introduce me to a type of guy who is incredibly kind and sincere. Something I so often pass right by. So it surprised me that while on the date he asked if I would like to go on a second date to the art gallery with him and I found myself saying yes. Maybe dating him will work out, or maybe it won't, but what I do know is that I have to give my old type a rest and try something new.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Hey, wait up!

Last week I joined a running club. Now, I joined for many of the obvious reasons, like getting better at running, it gives me a reason to get my butt out the door on a rainy vancouver night, but also for the fact that maybe, just maybe, there will be single men there too. Because to be honest, I have no idea where SINGLE men are these days. I put the exaggeration on "single" because I know where all the married, taken, unavailable men are. I meet those all the time. Those ones are at my work, friend's parties, the only people that seem to talk to me at coffee shops (I am still waiting for that confident single guy to strike up a conversation). I think back to university days and how much easier it was to meet people, heck they even had pub nights that were practically designed to meet your future or just for the moment dream guy. Fortunately I am no longer in university, but I begin to wonder, did I miss the mark? Did I miss the window of opportunity in life where you are suppose to meet 'the one' and lock that shit down?

Well I didn't meet 'the one' (clearly).  So now that brings me to run club. I drag a friend along and am secretly hoping that maybe I hit the jackpot and there will be a few athletic men ready to strike up a conversation. I was wrong. So very wrong. Instead what I got was a room full of middle aged women who as soon as the run begins either takes off in a sprint or starts walking. So there leaves my friend and I running along the seawall by ourselves. While I am sure my friend could have run and caught up with the bionic speedy women, running is still something I am trying to convince myself to like hence why my pace resembles that of a snail's. So when I get back to the meeting point I am expecting the leader to comment on the fact that she literally left her newest members in the dust or at least ask how the run went, but nope...nothing. So based on the fact that there were NO single men there and just a bunch of energizer bunny women who would rather talk about their 15 year old children than talk to a single-no children-young woman (that's me by the way). My friend and I decide to ditch the Running Room and just run by ourselves every Wednesday from now on.

So men, if you are out there, please come out of hiding on Wednesday nights and keep an eye out for a girl who is huffing and puffing her way around the seawall. Thank you, in advance.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Show me the money, honey

I should have known.
I knew it the second he started his emails off by complaining about expensive halloween costumes and expensive covers to bars on halloween--according to him, $15 was just TOO much to pay. But being that it is November and my mantra is to date men I wouldn't normally date, there I was last night, sitting across from Mr. Cheap.
I feel like this would have been the perfect date for me....7 years ago. He is attractive and nice, funny, works in a retail store but he doesn't have any aspirations for furthering his carreer. Back in my days of university I would have thought, no real job goals? Well maybe he just doesn't know what he wants to be and doesn't mind being broke for a while? But now jump to me in my late 20s/early 30s and I just can't do it. I am very passionate about my job that I wonder if I could be with someone who is not at all passionate about theirs.  So when the bill came around and he asked for them to be separate I immediately thought ok, this guy is definitely not into me. I finished my drink off, completely destroyed the bar's debit machine by dropping it on the floor (yes, I can be very embarrassing on dates) and hugged him goodbye as he got ready to bike the pouring rain might I add. Walking home I thought to myself, I live comfortably and happy with an average paying job (I mean, who wouldn't want to make more money, right?), so it's not that I NEED some rich man or someone to treat me. But when I want to do something or show someone I am interested I choose to spend my money in those circumstances. So I just couldn't help but wonder, if a guy doesn't buy a girl a drink on the first date does that mean he's not interested? And further, if he is interested, do I enter a relationship where someone is much more frugal than I, which would get in the way of us doing enjoyable activites? When dating, should everything be on 'separate bills'? 

So low and behold I did get a "want to go for dinner sometime?" text from Mr. Cheap today....I think one separate bill was enough, thank you very much.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Am I making the plan, again?

What I have quickly come to realize is, I need a secretary. Multiple dating sites, setting up times, exchanging phone numbers...It's become my second job. Luckily my roommate has basically become my 'recruiter' and scours the internet to find potential matches (don't worry, I pay her in cookies). This really is a more than one person job and while she helps in those early stages, there is still the whole aspect of setting the date up. The actual going on dates is the easy part. I can be shiny. I can be funny (I laugh at myself at least). But it's wading through all of the steps beforehand that's exhausting and repetitive. One of the things that I have found in the early stages of dating is that there are two types of guys:

Ones that will plan the night and ones that will ask you to.

My pre-november self would have decided right then and there that if the guy wasn't putting much effort in he therefore doesn't care, so why should I? As is probably pretty evident with my last statement I typically only date the confident, take charge guys. Clearly my 'type' has not worked out in the past, so maybe it's time to branch out. Why should the guy have to do all the work? On a blind date isn't the playing field even?

Over the past few weeks I have started to get in this new mindset, maybe I need to work a little harder? I started to doubt everything that provided me security beforehand, have I been too hard on all my previous guys? Have I set some sort of unattainable standard? And then tonight brought me right back to reality. I was out running with a friend and I explained to her about my latest annoyances of passive guys and she said to me "What?! Why would you go on a date with them if you are already doing all the work?" That is what I needed. A sane confident girl to snap me right back. Why am I working so hard?

Will I still ask men out? Absolutely
Will I plan the date if they ask? Absolutely
Will I drive to the end of the earth to meet them? No
Will I put in all the effort? No

Maybe this is a crazy standard, maybe its prissy or controlling or whatever other people would view it as. But for me, this is who I am and I can't change that. I may have dropped a lot of walls down this November but I have to stay true to myself and not lose my values along the way. Sure I will meet lots of men in November but come December there's only one person who is going to be there at the end of all this, and that's me. So I better like her.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Flaky, Flaky, Flaky

'Yes November' update:

Well, the words of Aziz Ansari couldn't be any truer, I have been trying to set up dates with men online but surprise surpirse I am dealing with some very flaky people. So while it has taken longer than I thought, my first one is set up for Thursday and then I have two more guys sitting in the wings, ready to follow. Hopefully this momentum continues.
Stay tuned for Thursday's adventure....